Posted by: devonellington | June 20, 2022

Mon. June 20, 2022: Time for Healing and Grieving

image courtesy of ha11ok via

We’re living in a society of accelerated pace, where the demands are for instant engagement, response, and everything else.

But not everything is instant.

Look how little time we are given to grieve. We’ve lost over a million unique individuals to COVID so far, with more to come. Yet we are supposed to not only ignore it, but continue to put ourselves, our families, our friends, our communities, in constant danger and “move on” while the pandemic still rages and kills.


We’re supposed to heal instantly from whatever hurts we suffer, or at least act and speak that everything is “okay.” Whether it’s death or illness or rejection or other pain we suffer, we’re supposed to put it aside for. . .what, exactly? We’re told we have to keep functioning, we have to keep things running. So others can profit while we suffer? Why?

It only prolongs the pain and makes it more difficult to heal. Maybe this week we can push through, but in three months, the consequences will be much worse.

For all the fustiness and ridiculousness of many Victorian regiments, they had something right with the mourning process. Not with all the restrictions of dress and movement, but demanding that a year be taken to respect the dead, and that one not be forced to “move on” immediately.

Once I stopped berating myself for not jumping into my new life in my new location after the move and the various surgeries I had over the first pandemic year, something wonderful started to happen: I started to actually heal. Not the façade of healing, to make the world more comfortable. But actual healing.

It’s still a process. It will still take time, and I have no idea how long.

But by making room for the healing, and deciding to let it take a natural flow (while still actively working on the healing part, not the work-for-everyone-else part), I have given myself the room to actually progress.

Acknowledging the need to heal is part of it. Pretending everything is “fine” only prolongs it. Repressing it or putting it in a box and locking it away means it will turn into an emotional volcano, erupting when you least need it.

Recognizing the need to heal, making space for the healing, taking actions toward it, and not expecting it to take a specific amount of time all allow the healing to actually happen.

Make space. Take time. Be kind to yourself.


  1. […] well Sunday into Monday. Got caught up on some blogging, and blogged ahead. There’s a post on healing over on the GDR site, if you’re […]

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